January Part 2

As promised, here is post #2 for the weekend. This is a record: even though I usually have enough stuff to write about I try to keep myself to one post a month. Sorry, you're stuck reading two posts from one weekend.. actually, I'm not really sorry. No one is forcing you to read this ;)

Well, as I mentioned we're still settling here in Utah. Things were really crazy the first few weeks back. We made ourselves at home as best we could and then did random chores that go along with moving cross country and tossing half of your stuff. I hate spending money and whoa buddy did we have to spend money. Oh well, it's over and done with now so whatever.

Drew started classes and is really liking being back. It keeps him busy but it's encouraging to know that we're at least making progress towards our future plans. He has his first test this next week so he's somewhat nervous about that but I think my genius husband will do great :)

I started work with the SLC PwC office and after my second day on the job I got a job offer from the company I had worked for here in Utah previously (Imagine Learning). It was a really good offer and promised so many perks: 40 hour work weeks (not the 60 I was doing with PwC), good benefits, great coworkers, 10 minute drive to and from work, and doing something where I felt like I was actually making a difference in someone's life. The company makes language-learning software specifically geared towards teaching children English. So, those kids who's first language is not English and who struggle in school because they can't speak the language are the key focus. They also focus on struggling readers and those with learning disabilities. It really is a great product and I love what i'm doing. There was a lot of drama involved with me quitting PwC and it was rather stressful but now that I'm started with IL it seems so natural and easy. It was totally worth all of the drama.

I'm especially glad to have this new job because it provides the insurance and income that we need but not the stress. I know I've only been there for 2 weeks now but I really feel like this will be completely different from what it was like in DC doing audit. There's no threat of audit rotations (meaning 65 - 70 hour work weeks doing stuff that I don't even begin to comprehend) and my manager with IL said he doesn't anticipate that I'll have to work overtime more than once a year. That's definitely something I need. I don't want to count on the lessened stress to magically solve the health issues we were having before but I don't think it'll hurt. The next few months of doctor appointments and the like will let us know if the lessened stress has any impact.

One negative thing of the move is that it feels like we're starting back at square 1 with everything. Oh well, I got an appointment set up at the Utah Fertility Clinic for mid-February so it's better than nothing I guess. A few people already know what's going on but we've decided that the more people who know means more prayers for us and hopefully more sensitivity as well. As a result: welcome to the 30 second intro of please-don't-pity-us-but-if-you-need-a-reason-to-here-you-go. It probably won't be 30 seconds but oh well.. you can stop reading whenever you want!

Moral of this story is that 14 months of "trying" has yielded the same results as 15 months of birth control: Drew and me and that's about it. We decided back in November 2010 that we were ready for kids and I had my heart set on telling our families for Christmas that they were going to have a grandkid. Instead, December came and went and my excitement quickly turned more towards frustration. By June we decided to go see a OBGYN to see what was happening. I'm just going to say now that kids had better be worth it because I am not a fan of OBGYNs. We saw the OBGYN for 3 months and he got me on some medicine to make me ovulate. The medicine works for some people (as I found out.. one of my friends informed me last month she's pregnant after taking the meds) but unfortunately I am not one of those people.

It was around this time that I hit a seriously low. I don't think I've ever questioned God's plan before but July was a rough month for me. Everyone I knew was getting pregnant - thus why I've started steering away from Facebook: I don't want to be comparing myself to all of my friends who are having their second kid or people who have been married less time than Drew and me who are popping out kids now. Every month since I started seeing the doctor resulted in me getting my hopes up only to then get angry when things did not turn out like I had hoped. I felt like a failure as a woman: we're taught "survival of the fittest" as well as "multiply and replenish". By both of these standards I was failing and I didn't understand what we had done to deserve this. Thus the purchase of Chester: I had pent up "mothering" feelings and a puppy was just the way to release those. I feel somewhat pathetic that I really do consider him to be my child but he's helped both Drew and I to get through the past few months and I really think he's helping us to prepare for when we finally are able to have kids.

Around September my endocrinologist (my diabetes doctor) told me that I really should be seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist instead of a regular OBGYN. We found one close to where we lived and started seeing them in October. October yielded more medicine and tests and the like and finally in November they decided that the next step was to try IUI (inter-uterine insemination) which is the next step up from the meds and one step down from invetro. I was so excited after the IUI in November because I thought it would actually happen this time and just in time to tell people for Christmas THIS year that we were pregnant. Still nothing. December came and the stress of the move was excruciatingly high so I knew the IUI that month wouldn't work either. We tried it yet again though and as I expected, a week before Christmas I got the gift I was dreading.

I'm not telling this story to get attention but I want people to understand and hopefully keep us in your prayers. We felt the timing was right 14 months ago for a purpose: it has given us the time to go through all of the doctor appointments and tests and we have the insurance to cover this and we're still young. I am so grateful for the jobs that I've had that they've provided the income and insurance to facilitate all of this. Heaven knows how much money we've spent on all of this: well over $1300 thus far and that's not including what insurance has covered. Thus why with this new job I'm hoping the decreased stress will help everything. It was a battle for me in DC because I felt like we couldn't be doing all of the doctor appointments and tests if it weren't for my job but because of my job and the stress involved with it my body was rejecting everything we were doing. It was a catch 22 of sorts so we'll see if that was actually true now I'm working elsewhere. I'm hopeful now and I am beginning to finally grasp that all things are in His hands and this is not happening as a punishment (I'm somewhat retarded, I usually beat my head against the brick wall for a while before I finally come around to what Heavenly Father wants me to learn). We are learning from this and we are growing. We'll appreciate our child so much more when we finally get him/her, whether it's through finally getting pregnant or else through adoption.

So, if you made it through this mondo post thank you. It means you care about us and we owe so much to you; whomever you are I know that you have had an impact on our lives for the good at some point and for that I am grateful. I promise the next post will have pictures of the house though I kind of want to wait until I have the piano here but we'll see when that happens :P

Love,
A and E